Kleinfeld!

I applied to go on to “Say Yes to the Dress” a couple weeks after my surgery. I thought with everything scary going on my life that I needed to do something fun for myself. I wasn’t sure if I would get picked to be on the show, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to try. Two weeks later I received an email from the producers of Kleinfeld telling me they were interested in my story. Immediatly I was asked to answer a bunch of questions, and send pictures to them of Derek, and I. Two days later the producer contacted me again, and said I was approved,  they wanted me to be on the show. I couldn’t believe it. It was all so exciting, and so scary at the same time. I have always dreamed of being on this show, but this was never the story I had imagined for myself.

Once I was told that they wanted me for the show I made a decision. I told myself that I was going to go on the show, and show girls everywhere that as long as you feel beautiful you are. It truly is what is on the inside that counts. For me this meant that I was going to try on my wedding dresses as a bald bride. If I could do this bald, anyone could do it.

It was February 11th the day of our Kleinfeld appointment. I had so many mixed emotions about going on the show. I thought that I was going to be so excited, but more then anything I was nervous. I knew this is what I wanted to do, but at the same time it was still very nerve wrecking for me.

The drive down there was a breeze. I decided to bring my Mom, my three sisters, my good friend Kim, and my Aunt Margo. All of these people have played a huge role in helping me fight this disease, and it was very important to me to have them all there. When we got there it was surreal. Seeing the name on the outside of the door, walking inside, and knowing that I was going to be taped to be on the show. I could not believe that it was all happening.

As soon as we walked in they miked us all, and got us ready to be on camera. They told us that we were going to be seated on the couch, and that my consultant was going to be Antionella. I was interviewed first, and asked a million questions. Some of the questions were easy for me to answer, others I had a harder time with. But I knew this is what I had to do.

I met Antionella, and told her what I was thinking I wanted for a wedding dress. I was starting to get more, and more nervous. People were filling the store, and I was in the center of it. They were already starring, and I hadn’t even taken my hat off. Were they going to be scared when they saw a bald bride walking out in a beautfiul gown? What were they going to think? My Mom asked me if I still wanted to go through with it, she told me it was ok if I wanted to keep my hat on. I told her no, this is what my whole purpose of being on the show was. It was going to be hard, but I knew this is what I needed to do.

When I tried on the first dress Antionella gave me I knew it wasn’t the dress for me. But I wanted to go out and show everyone it. This was the moment I was nervous for. I was going to take off my hat. I really connected with Antionella, and she made me feel comfortable. When I removed my hat she had  tears in her eyes, and she told me that I was beautiful. After she said that I knew that I could do it. I could walk out of the room bald.

Coming out, and seeing how many people were there was so scary at first. But the more that I stood, and looked in the mirror at myself I knew this is me. I am fighting for my life right now, and I am bald. Derek loves me for who I am, and so does everyone else that cares about me. The more dresses I tried on the more comfortable I became. But I still didn’t feel the way I wanted to feel in my dress, I still hadn’t found it.

Out came Nicole to help Antionella. She was pregnant, and fabulous. She asked me if I was willing to try on any other types of dresses, and I said absoultely. Nicole, and Antionella went on a mission to find my dress. They brought back three, and I saw one that caught my eye. It was the first one that I was going to try on, and I loved it. I had a different feeling in this dress, and when I came out in it I felt so comfortable. I asked everyone else what they thought, and they all really liked it too. We all agreed though that I needed to try on a couple more. I tried on three more, but my mind kept going back to the other one so we decided that I needed to put it back on one more time.

I put the dress back on, and I immediatly got the feeling I wanted to. This was my dress. I went out and Antionella, and Nicole asked me the question together. I loved them they made me feel so comfortable,and beautiful even when I was scared. They made my experience what I wanted it to be. I was so happy leaving there, and even happier that I had found my dress.

The day was so special. I was so glad that I went even though I second guessed myself. I did what I needed to do. And in the end I found my dream dress.